Home
  Journal   Friends   Calendar   User Info   Memories
 

Smiley Cthulhu Welcomes You!

7th August, 2004. 8:00 pm. According to Madame Sucre:

This is a sad time children. An Icon of debauchery and drug use has passed away into that never never. Yes Rick James, the man who taught us unequivocally that cocaine is indeed, "A hell of a drug!". He left us just yesterday and we will miss him very much and always be grateful for the example of fucked up hilarity he gave us. I hereby command all My bitches - and you know who you are - to dedicate the remainder of this month to Mr. James and his memory. Living every day as he would have. Whomever does the best job of this will get tied to the bed for a week and sodomized with a broom by Yours Truly. I'm Madame Sucre bitches! It's a time of mourning.
Mme. S

Make Notes

23rd January, 2004. 10:27 pm. Update

Johnny Haywire speaking.

My latest interviews are in the editing stage right as we speak. Hopefully, before this next week is out, one or both of them will be released. The plan is to start releasing one a week or so, with other stories and entries in between.

If you wanna see a particular celebrity interviewed, then please drop us a line at Johnny Haywire speaking.

My latest interviews are in the editing stage right as we speak. Hopefully, before this next week is out, one or both of them will be released. The plan is to start releasing one a week or so, with other stories and entries in between.

If you wanna see a particular celebrity interviewed, then please drop us a line at our addy.

There are other journalists that will be making their appearance soon. Buffy awaits.

Make Notes

18th January, 2004. 11:55 pm. This is a note from Big Rico

Big Rico wants you to know that we at Smiley Cthulhu have set up a couple of friends on our friends page.

We also have cleared out our mailbox at smiley_cthulhu@excite.com

Drop us a line if you want someone specific interviewed, or if you think you would like to write alongside Johnny, Buffy and the gang.

TL

Make Notes

18th January, 2004. 10:01 am.

Johnny Haywire here.

You haven't heard much from me lately, and that's pretty much your fault. No, I kid. I'm trying to track down some more celebs to interview. I almost have Jason Alexander (Not George from Seinfeild - the other one) pegged down as well as a secret interview with someone  you've never heard of. Shhhhh, it's a secret, so I can't tell you who yet.

I will return soon with more interviews and reviews and things like that.


JH.

Current mood: chipper.
Current music: Duran Duran - Girls on Film.

Make Notes

1st January, 2004. 6:56 am. Interview with the Author

Johnny Haywire: Hello there, I'm Johnny Haywire, host
of Totally Fake Celebrity Interviews. Here's our
guest.

Anne Rice: Hello, Johnny. I'm Anne Rice.

JH: Fascinating.

AR: Yeah....I'm a prolific writer and personally
responsible for one of the goofiest and most annoying
trends among America's youth today: Goth.

JH: Wow. I mean, ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. How does someone
as intelligent as you obviously are come up with such
a noisome concept?

AR: It just happened. I was taking a break from
writing erotica, when my husband heard me lament the
lack of good vampire fiction. He challenged me to
write some myself, and the Interview with the Vampire
was born.

I was feeling silly then, so I wrote The Vampire
Lestat, with possibly one of the stupidest premises
ever.

JH: Quite possibly. But the fans?

AR: The fans loved them. They ate them up. They went
completely batshit, excuse the pun.

JH: How do you feel about the gothic movement?

AR: I like some of the music, and there are a few good
stories here and there, but my god, the 'goths'
themselves.

If I had known that my taking pen to paper would cause
such a deluge of mincing fancy boy assholes in velvet,
I'd have stuck with my first love, lesbian nun
bondage.

JH: I see.

AR: Do you remember the Saturday Night Live episode
where Bill Shatner went all Godzilla on the trekky
convention? I feel like that all the fucking time.

It's gotten to the point, I hate to go to conventions.
Or book signings. Or the grocery store. Everyone's all
'when is the next book coming out?' or 'Is this
vampire related to that witch?' or 'Ma'am, you can't
take 12 cartloads of hair care products through the
10-items-or-less lane." It's really fucking insane.

JH: So, what's next for Anne Rice?

AR: I just had a book come out, I don't think we've
mentioned that yet. Everyone should get a copy of
that. [laughter] But, really, then I get rid of your
monkey ass, I'm going to go take tea with Marilyn
Manson.

JH: What's he like? We're trying to set up an
interview with him.

AR: He looks quite different in person. I mean, he
takes off all that makeup and he's a 52-year-old black
man. I probably shouldn't have told you that.

JH: Well, I certainly won't tell anyone else.

AR: Thank you. See that you don't.

JH: No, Ms. Rice, thank you. You have been a delight
and a generous hostess.

AR: Get out of my goddamn house. Now.

JH: And that concludes this episode of Totally Fake
Celebrity Interviews. As always, I'm Johnny Haywire.
Goodnight.

Current mood: excited.

Make Notes